Fashion evolves faster than you can say ‘last season’s stilettos.’ As a veteran style watcher, I’ve witnessed heel trends come and go with alarming speed. Some designs deserve their retirement, while others make me wonder how they ever strutted onto the runway in the first place. Ready for a walk down memory lane? Let’s review the heel trends that should stay firmly in the past.
1. Sky-High Platform Stilettos
Remember those seven-inch monsters we teetered around in during the 2010s? My ankles still haven’t forgiven me!
The combination of extreme height and pencil-thin heels created a walking hazard that sent countless fashionistas to the emergency room. Style should never require an ambulance on standby.
2. Lucite Clear Heels
Though Cinderella made glass slippers magical, the plastic versions were anything but.
These transparent nightmares fogged up embarrassingly after just minutes of wear. And let’s not mention the inevitable condensation that made them look like mini terrariums for your sweaty feet.
3. Kitten Heels With Pointy Toes
While these mini-heels promised comfort with style, they delivered neither.
The awkward one-inch height did nothing for your posture while the exaggerated pointy toe created a witch-like silhouette. I always felt like I was impersonating my grandmother in her church shoes whenever I wore these diminutive disasters.
4. Cork Wedge Sandals
If you’re still rocking these summer staples from 2005, we need to talk.
The chunky cork base that once signaled ‘resort chic’ now screams ‘I haven’t updated my wardrobe in decades.’ Those platform wedges with the espadrille wrapping belong in a fashion museum, not your closet.
5. Chunky Square-Toe Boots
How did we ever think these clunky monsters were flattering?
The boxy toe combined with a thick stacked heel created what I affectionately call ‘the hoof effect.’ Nothing says ‘I’ve given up on elegance’ quite like footwear that makes your feet look twice their actual size.
6. Stilettos With Ankle Straps
Though once considered sexy, these leg-shortening traps have fallen from grace.
The horizontal strap cutting across your ankle visually chops your leg at its narrowest point. Unless you’re blessed with supermodel proportions, these heels make even the longest legs look stumpy and disproportionate.
7. Slingbacks With Kitten Heels
The worst of both worlds!
These corporate-casual nightmares combine the instability of a slingback with the unsupportive nature of a tiny heel. They’re neither comfortable for long wear nor stylish enough to justify the discomfort. I’ve relegated mine to the ‘what was I thinking?’ section of my closet.
8. Ultra-Thin Stiletto Mules
Whoever invented these clearly hated feet.
The combination of no back support and a needle-thin heel created the perfect storm of instability. I still have nightmares about the clacking sound as women desperately tried to keep these shoes from flying off with each precarious step.
9. Chunky Platform Mary Janes
The schoolgirl-meets-Spice-Girl hybrid that should stay in the ’90s.
These clunky platforms with their childish strap detail created a jarring visual contradiction. One moment you’re channeling innocence, the next you’re tottering on platforms that would make a seasoned club-goer nervous.
10. Perspex Block Heels
The transparent trend reached new lows with these see-through blocks.
Not only did they collect scratches faster than compliments, but they also created an optical illusion that made it look like you were floating awkwardly. Plus, they fogged up from the inside, revealing every drop of foot perspiration to the world.
11. Embellished Bridal-Style Pumps
Unless you’re actually walking down the aisle, these need to go.
The excessive pearls, crystals, and satin that cover these fussy pumps scream ‘trying too hard.’ I’ve seen too many women attempting to incorporate these special occasion shoes into everyday wear, creating a bizarre formal-casual mismatch.
12. Extreme Curved Heels
These architectural experiments defied both gravity and good taste.
Designed to create a floating effect, they instead created a wobbly walking experience that had everyone wondering if you’d been drinking. The impractical curved shape collected dirt and debris while offering zero stability.
13. Flatform Sandals With Heels
This contradictory footwear couldn’t decide what it wanted to be.
The combination of a platform under the entire foot plus an additional heel created a Frankenstein-like silhouette. They added unnecessary height while offering neither the comfort of flats nor the elegance of proper heels.
14. Caged Gladiator Heels
These foot prisons should be sentenced to permanent retirement.
The excessive straps that climb up the ankle created a visual that cut legs into unflattering segments. Plus, the time it took to buckle all those tiny straps meant you’d be late to every event while your feet slowly roasted inside their leather cages.
15. Sneaker Heels
The mullet of footwear: business on the bottom, party on the top.
This unfortunate hybrid attempted to combine comfort with height but achieved neither. Instead, they created an identity crisis in shoe form that announced to the world: ‘I want to be comfortable but refuse to give up my height advantage.’
16. Plastic Jelly Heels
Childhood nostalgia should never have grown up into adult footwear.
These sweaty, squeaky nightmares trapped heat like a greenhouse while announcing every step with an embarrassing soundtrack. The translucent plastic material that looked cute on kindergarteners transforms into tacky, uncomfortable foot saunas for grown women.
17. Extreme Curved Wedges
These architectural nightmares defied both physics and fashion sense.
The dramatically curved shape created an optical illusion that your foot was perpetually sliding forward. Walking in these required the balance of a tightrope walker and the confidence of someone who doesn’t mind looking like they’re about to topple over.